Words of Wisdom from The Self Esteem Queen

Every Wednesday on Twitter, I participate in something called #WisdomWednesday with my mentees, Studology101.  I want to start posting the words of wisdom, or as I like to call them, SEQism's, here on my blog for those of you who don't have a Twitter account or have missed out on some of those tweets.  If you are on Twitter, make sure you're following me!  I sometimes come with random jewels of wisdom and you won't want to miss them!

You will always get clarity when you leave the chaos. In the midst, you become part of the confusion. 

YOU are your problem and YOU are your solution.

Maybe it's not everyone else; maybe it's really you. Think about it.

You can only justify ignorance to ignorant ppl. Intelligent ppl don't want to hear it.

Don't blame others for your foolishness. When God says LEAVE, don't justify why you choose to stay.

If you're not getting paid to be nasty and you do it "because that's who you are", you're wasting valuable time.

Success allows no room for distraction.

Stop getting mad at the truth when you know you're living a lie.  

Please learn to stay in your lane and stop swerving into others that don't belong to you

I'm NOT impressed by your material things when God made the sun, moon, and stars. Top that. Oh, you can't!

You want to know what turns me on? Intellect, knowledge, and striving for more of that daily.

 

It's okay to be flawed but it's NOT okay to stay that way and make excuses instead of adjustments

You can't attack that which is comfortable in its own skin.  

It's easy for cowards to hide behind a computer. Intelligent people don't belittle others. Focus when I tell you this.

You can't push my buttons because I don't have buttons for you to push.

Think for yourself. Develop your own opinions and, be able to back them up

If you have time to battle strangers online, I sincerely feel sorry for you. I'm living life happily in my own lane.

Don't let the opinions of others distract and deter you from your knowledge of self and truth.

 

You learn how to be combative w/ strangers from the UNreslity of reality TV and it's not impressive. Read a book.

Arguing w/ strangers online b/c you disagree w/ their opinions instead of simply unfollowing them shows your ignorance.

Don't try to impress strangers online so much that when you jump offline you're depressed b/c of the facade you can't live up to.

Lying to others won't change your situation, it will only make people think you're a liar when they find out the truth.

No one cares about your superhero powers online b/c chances are, you're a cowarding lion offline. Keep it real.

Often, you try and cover up your pain with a lie, but we can see right through that. Live in truth

Love yourself enough to get out of denial and leave that dead end relationship

Growth doesn't come from your addiction to the UNreality of reality TV. Most intellectuals don't even watch the Idiot Box.

If you're not constantly growing, you're ultimately dying.  

Take the time to acknowledge your own flaws before you waste another minute pointing out someone else's

Stop holding others accountable for your ultimate happiness.  

Keep your mind focused on positive thoughts and you won't have space to acknowledge the negative

 

#IronSharpensIron - are you sharpening others, or are you the dull knife in the back of the drawer no one wants to use?

I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin' you can do about it!!! 

Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™ 

© 2012 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™ 

 All rights reserved. 

ABOUT The Self Esteem Queen™ - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the “victim” mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn “The SEQ” uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings. 

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info@selfesteemqueen.com

"Emotional Vampires Part 2: The Five Common Types"

"Emotional Vampires Part 2: The Five Common Types"

By: Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™

"The time has come for us to take responsibility for ourselves and those around us.  In order to be better, we must make sure that those we surround ourselves with are also striving to be better." ~The SEQ 

  

Denial is a horrible place to live.  There were many years of my late teenager / early adult life that I was an emotional vampire.  Yes, that's right, I am here to admit to you that I used to be the person I am warning you about.  I was in such horrible denial and I didn't understand why I was so miserable.  I blamed everyone, except myself, about the pain I was going through and sending others through.  One day, after having an intense counseling session, I realized that I was in denial.  Though I had been to many sessions, this particular one caused something inside of me to stop and look at myself.   

The result was the birth of The Self Esteem Queen.  I realized that I was causing people to abandon me by my actions, by my increased victim mentality, and by my denial of my own truth.  When I stopped looking to everyone else to validate my mess, I started taking that same time I used to complain as time to really nurture myself.  The process was sometimes painful for me but totally necessary for my growth.  That growth is how I'm able to now teach others to be better Human Beings.  Learning to tell the truth was the catalyst of my growth.  Below, I will describe the five types of emotional vampires.    

The Five Types of Emotional Vampires.  The following information is taken from the book that I recommend at the end of this article.  

 
The Narcissist  - The motto of the narcissist is "Me first."  These types have a high sense of importance and are normally very egotistic.   When you stop stroking their egos or disagree with something they say, these types of vampires turn on your and begin to punish you.  Warning: the narcissist is dangerous because they lack empathy and have a limited capacity for unconditional love.  Are you in a relationship with a narcissist?  Ask yourself the following questions:  

• Does the person act as if life revolves around them?   
• Do I have to compliment him/her to get his/her attention or approval?
• Does he/she constantly steer the conversation back to themselves?
• Does he/she become cold towards you when you disagree with something they say?

The Victim (the most common)  - These vampires are allergic to taking responsibility for their actions and pour on the "poor me" attitude in each conversation.  As a friend, you want to help but you become overwhelmed by their endless woes.  If you are drawn to solving the problems of others, chances are you attract numerous victims in your life.  Are you in a relationship with a victim?  Ask yourself the following questions:

•  Does the person often appear depressed or inconsolable?
•  Are you burned out by this persons neediness?
• Do you screen your calls or claim to be busy when this person calls you?
• Does his/her unrelenting negativity affect your positive attitude?  

The Controller:  These types of vampires try to control you and have no qualms about dictating what you're supposed to be and feel.  They have an opinion about everything; disagree at your peril.  They'll control you by invalidating your emotions if those don't fit into their rule book.  The controller is often a perfectionist, seeing others as failing to meet their standards.  These types usually don't see themselves as controlling - only right.  Are you in a relationship with a controller?  As yourself the following questions:

• Does this person keep claiming to know what's best for you?
• Do you typically have to do things his/her way?
• Is he/she so domineering that you feel suffocated?
• Do you feel like you're held hostage to this person's rigid sense of order?  

The Criticizer:  Criticizers are a close relative of the controller.  They feel it's their God-given right to offer what they deem "constructive criticism," even if it makes you feel horrible.  They say things like, "If only you did this, you would be so much more attractive" and, "I tell you this because I love you."  Most criticizers don't realize that they're hard on others because they feel deficient.  Are you in a relationship with a criticizer?  Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I always end up feeling inadequate in this persons eyes?
• Is he/she always putting others down?
• Is he/she harshly self critical?
• Am I the frequent target of her/his judgmental zingers?
• Does he/she spot a flaw in me from across the room, then tell me about it?   

The Splitter: These vampires will seduce you by putting you on a pedestal, but you're just being set up for a fall.  One minute they idealize their "new best friend"; the next you're evil if they feel you've wronged them or abandoned them.  Splitters are very skilled at being vicious.  They don't play fair and retaliate against you by impulsively acting out.  Some splitters may threaten to physically harm themselves during an argument and cause you to walk on eggshells around them.  Getting you upset makes the splitter feel alive and they feed on chaotic emotions because those make the splitter feel more real when you react.  Are you in a relationship with a splitter?  Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you censor your true feelings because you fear this person's anger?
• Do you go to great pains to keep the peace?
• Does this person keep you on an emotional roller coaster?
• Do you feel wrongly accused frequently?       

Take the time to notice your energy when you're around or talking to certain people.   If you feel that after talking to or being around someone, you are starting to lose your positive energy, take note of this.  Often, we ignore the signs because we don't want to "rock the boat" or chastise someone for being an emotional drain to us, but the consequence of this action is harsh.  Over time, you do indeed become that which you fail to deal with.  When you allow someone to violate your emotional freedom, you are not only hurting yourself, you are also hurting the people around you.  You may not notice how your mood changes around your loved ones, but I guarantee you they're taking notice.  Let me give you an example from one of my past clients.

I had a client who took on the role of helping out a sibling who was involved in a court case.  My client spent so much time helping his sibling that it affected his normally positive attitude.  He would come home and verbally abuse his wife, calling her names and being hurtful, all because he was really mad that he allowed himself to be taken advantage of by his sibling.  What's more, my clients parents had a history of enabling which caused my client to feel obligated to help out his sibling, even though his sibling could have taken care of the court case himself.  After doing this for four years, my client came to me half the man he once was.  He was broken and unable to understand why he was so verbally abusive to the ones he loved.  His marriage was in shambles, and he was an emotional wreck.  As we began to work together, I asked him to list the things that took of most of his time.  No surprise, he spent a lot of his time taking care of this court case of his adult sibling.  He was also taking on the roll of enabling his parents, and his siblings grown son.  

When you allow someone to overtake your life, you will start to resent that which you originally wanted to do out of love.  We think that we are helping some of the people around us, but we have to understand that there is a fine line between helping someone and enabling someone.  When you enable another person, you are in essence allowing them to bully you into being their caregiver willingly.  I have one thing to say about enabling...  

Stop being afraid to be impolite.   The truth, is that people who drain you emotionally are impolite.  The very act of someone transferring negative emotions or energy to you is impolite.  What happens with us as humans, is that we really want to appear nice to everyone.  Most of us are people-pleasers, that is, we want to appease others even when it means we are hurting ourselves.  There are many things you can do to deal with emotional vampires, and next week we will tackle the solutions.  For now, just digest this new information, and ask yourself if you are around any of these types of people or if you yourself are guilty of being one of these types of people. 

  

Recommended Reading: To get more information on Emotional Vampires and solutions to dealing with them in your own life, go out and purchase "Emotional Freedom: liberate yourself from negative emotions and transform your life" by Judith Orloff 

I hope this article has helped you in some way.  It is my HOPE that you can be inspired weekly to make changes in your life that help you to become a BETTER Human Being. 

  

Have a great week! 

  

 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™  

© 2012 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™/SEQ International, LLC All rights reserved.  

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the "victim" mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn "The SEQ" uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today's leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn's mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings.  

NOTE: You're certainly welcome to "reprint" this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the "about the author" info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info [at] selfesteemqueen.com

"Stop letting the emotional vampires rule your life!"

"Stop letting the emotional vampires rule your life!"

By: Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™

"You become the average of the 5 people you CHOOSE to be around the most" ~ Jim Rohn 

  

Let me start this off with a true story. I knew a girl once.  She was sweet when we met, and then (not so slowly) I began to see that she was very needy.  She would complain about the people at her job (everyone was against her), she would complain about her overdue or late bills (such and such company continues to overcharge me for this and that reason), and she was so needy I felt like I was breastfeeding her.   

Shortly after befriending her, I was emotionally drained. 
I started to avoid her telephone calls.  She would leave me long, drawn out voice-mails about how I was going to leave her like everyone else in her life (to make me feel guilty for not answering her calls).  She would then send me text messages that were complete conversations.  Never mind that I could have been mentoring or coaching someone who was an actual paying client.  I resented being nice to her and then felt bad because I felt that way.  Here I was, someone who made a career helping people, and this girl was taking over my patience with her neediness.

I tried to set healthy boundaries for our friendship.  I told her that I was not in the business of having friends that I needed to nurture and help since this is what I did for a living.  I set expectations for how she could call me and when I would be answering my phone.  Next thing I knew, she was drinking to get drunk and blaming me for her alcohol problems.  At one point, I had to go to my own Life Coach and ask him was I to blame for this girls problems. (I thank God for my Life Coach)

My Life Coach flew out from New Mexico and sat me down for a good heart to heart.   He told me the following, "You're not in the business of fixing anyone.  What you're doing is enabling, and enabling always backfires on the enabler."  In all of my helping other people, here I was allowing someone to be complacent on me.  Key word: ALLOWING.  I had to eventually let this person go, but not before she accused me of every problem she had.  I later came to know that this was the reason people kept leaving her - she was an emotional wreck, and she had spent most of her adult life leeching on to anyone who would allow her to continue with this "I'm the 'victim' mentality".  

 

Have you ever had that one friend who makes you grimace?   

You know, that friend who makes you roll your eyes when you read their Facebook status of Twitter Updates?  Every time you read something he/she writes, it's negative.  Whether it's talking about someone they know or don't know, whether the update or tweet is straight to the point or subliminal, this 'friend' seems to thrive the attention that the dramatic comment brings.  These types of people will such as many people into their drama as they can.  If it's not you, it will be someone else they call to discuss the drama in their lives.  Often, they are the cause of the drama.  At the moment that you begin to offer a solution, this person will divert you with a reason as to why that solution won't work and go back to giving you reasons they are rightfully victims.

Know this: You cannot remain naive about your friendships and relationships.   Emotional Vampires can come as the following: coworkers, family members, spouses, neighbors.  Most people have not been trained on emotional drainers let alone how to emancipate ourselves from them in order to regain our own emotional freedom.  When we are caught in their clutches, we become tongue-tied, passive, and we ignore all the signs that scream out to us, "BEWARE, LEAVE, WALK AWAY" because we don't want to appear impolite.  

The most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.   

When you allow emotional vampires to drain you of your energy, you're not only doing them a disservice, you're also doing the same for yourself.  Listening to and trying to help an emotional vampire solve their never-ending problems will have you like a hamster on a spinning wheel; you'll continue to go nowhere really fast.  Eventually, the more you're around these types of people, you become just like them.  The transition can sometimes be so gradual that you don't even notice the changes in yourself.

In the next blog, I will elaborate on the different types of emotional vampires that exist.   

WARNING: If you see some of these characteristics in yourself, don't be alarmed.  There are ways that you can stop being an emotional drainer / vampire and start living a fruitful life.  If you notice that people don't want to talk to you, and people are avoiding you or your phone calls, it could be because you are draining them.  Make sure you come back next week to find out if you mirror some of these characteristics. 

  

I hope this article has helped you in some way.  It is my HOPE that you can be inspired weekly to make changes in your life that help you to become a BETTER Human Being. 

  

  

 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™  

© 2012 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™/SEQ International, LLC All rights reserved.  

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the "victim" mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn "The SEQ" uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today's leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn's mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings.  

NOTE: You're certainly welcome to "reprint" this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the "about the author" info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info [at] selfesteemqueen.com

In death, my dad brought me life. A message of HOPE

There was a time in my life when I couldn't handle death.  As a young teenager, I lost a lot of friends in horrible ways:

1. One of my friends was killed at the age of 16 by her boyfriend after revealing she had AIDS.  She was found on the side of a freeway, half naked, and it was horrific.
   
2. My high school boyfriends best friend was killed in his front yard when he walked outside.  The person who killed him came drove 80 miles looking for his brother but killed the first person who walked outside.
   
3. In the 11th or 12th grade, one of my friends drowned on April Fools Day after he went swimming after eating.  Nobody went to help him because they thought it was an April Fools Joke.
   
4. Three of my friends were gunned down in a drive by shooting while standing outside in front of their house.  They were not gang related but the shooting was.
   
5. My friend went missing and was later found in the trunk of his car a week later. 
   
6. A couple of months before I graduated from college, my best friend died suddenly of meningitis. 

All of these deaths happened before I graduated from high school., the sixth one right before I graduated from college.  Depression was a normal feeling to me during my teenage years.  Although I had a good relationship with God, I felt like something was wrong with me because everyone around me was dying.  I had resigned my thought process to the fact that death was a bad thing and I must have been a bad person to have so many people around me experience such horrific deaths.  Each person who passed away was, in my eyes, a wonderful person who deserved to live while I saw other people who were "bad people" walking the Earth happily living life.  It just didn't seem fair.


How many of you have ever felt this way before?  How many of you have ever felt like the wrong people die too soon?  As I've grown, I've come to realize that bad things do indeed happen to good people, and death shouldn't be constituted as a "bad thing".


Often, we want to hold on to people who are in our lives.  We don't want them to die because of the bond we hold with them, because of the time we get to spend with them, and because we've grown used to believing that death is the end of a friendship/relationship/association.  I would like to give my take on this in an effort to help someone out today who might be experiencing pain as the result of death.


There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my dad.  January 24th of this year marked 3 years since my dad passed away.  I'll never forget where I was and what I was doing on the day my dad died.  Having experienced so much death close to me, my dad passing was so sudden and left me in a daze of confusion and grief.

On Facebook last month, I wrote,

"3 years ago today, my father was laughing one morning and then suddenly died. He was 50 years old. I can't sit here and tell you that today is going to be "hard" for me, because it's not. Today, I'm reminded that my dad went to Heaven to orchestrate blessings in my life he couldn't perform here on Earth. These blessings, these desires, have included reconciliations with dear friends, family bonds that I haven't had in years, and new business ventures that I could have only dreamed of before. Finally, my dad went to Heaven and told God that I should be blessed with kids, despite the odds that were against me. I now have a boy and a girl on the way, even though I was told I would never have children. In my dad's death, he has really given me life.

Today, I'm not going to the cemetery to stare at the wall his body is buried in. Instead, I'm going to live today like it's my last and listen to some music my dad and I would have rocked to. Today is a celebration. Thank you for reading."

When I wrote this, I had no idea that I would receive so much feedback from people who have been mourning the death of a loved one or a parent.  Over the past three years, I have taken what some people see as a tragic event and made sense of it.  My dad was in my life when I was a kid, but he was also in and out of every California Correctional Facility from Southern to Northern California due to his addiction to alcohol.  During these "visits" to correctional facilities, my dad would send me letters, eloquently written, telling me to stay in school, get an education, and take good care of my mother.

My parents were never "together".  They never lived together and were never married, but remained great friends/co-parents until he passed.  As I got older, my father stopped drinking and we developed a healthy friendship that became a focal point of my early adulthood.  My dad and I spoke everyday without fail.  There would be times when I would hang out with my dad so much that people thought we were a couple.  My dad always told me how much he loved me and cared about me.  It's safe to say that my dad was the only man I know who has ever been in love with me.  On the morning that he passed away, my dad was laughing, and then he had trouble breathing, and then he passed away.  When his soon-to-be wife called me to tell me my dad wasn't breathing, I told her to get off the phone with me and call the paramedics.  Within 30 minutes, my dad was gone.

So many thoughts went through my mind.  I was in shock, I felt like I was living in the Twilight Zone, and I felt lost, completely lost.  I was numb for days.  I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my dad was gone.  It took me some time to get used to the thought that I wouldn't be able to hear my dad's voice or drive up the coast with him singing along to the same songs.

Then, one day, I realized that my dad went to Heaven so he could do all the things he couldn't do for me here on Earth.  My life has been so blessed since my dad passed, and I can't help but smile and think that my dad is orchestrating all of the great gifts that I've been receiving over the last few years.  Life continues to bring me trials however, I'm able to get over them with a lot more ease and I'm also able to smile when the adversity comes.  At night, when I sleep, there are times I dream about my dad and the conversations are so real that I wake up knowing that the dream was my dad's way of telling me that all is well. 

I'm here to tell you all that if someone has passed in your life, ALL IS WELL.  There are those that we meet who are angels on Earth, and they depart Earth to do the awesome job of blessing you from above.  How fitting that the person you love the most goes away to help you from above.  When you change your mindset from grief you'll find that the person who left you hasn't really left at all.  I know that we are used to believing that there is no "life after death", but I beg to differ.  People from my life who have passed come to me all the time in thoughts, dreams, and I'm often reminded that I have angels looking out for me. 

Here are some comments from my Facebook friends - I hope this encourages someone to press forward not having to say goodbye to a loved one, but rather to say hello to a new relationship with that person.

Tara Noble Such a beautiful read!!!! You've taken what so many would use as a crutch, and reached for the blessings!!!! Your a positive inspiration! Thanks for sharing!!!

Yolanda Johnson Wow,you make me look at my Dad's death in a whole different light now. He too died suddenly on his way to work one morning on a subway platform ten yrs ago. He was my best friend as well... And he loved music as well. Thank you,you've really lightened a heavy burden I've been carrying since he left me. ♥

Sharlene D If this doesn't motivate you to live life and celebrate the life of another that might not be with you any longer, I don't know what will....

Diana Segura My Father passed on the 27th, and it's amazing the parallels in our insights as a product of their transitioning. I have come to the same, almost identical, realizations. It's truly incredible and at the same time makes perfect sense; again thank you.

Yolanda Johnson Thanks! I can't wait. I really like how you put things into perspective. Wow,now I'm totally thinking how my life could've went a totally different(more positive) way had I looked at his death in a different way. And Congrats on the babies. :)

Audrey Watson Just reading this post and I can relate. Lost my day 3 yrs ago and he was my best friend. He had Pancreatic Cancer & it took him so fast. I was so blessed to have him as my father and as bad as it hurt to see him suffer & go he equipped me and prepared me for a lot of Life Lessons. I know your dad is very proud of you and is smiling. Thank God our Fathers were present in our lives because a piece of them will always live in us. Stay Strong & Positive !!

I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!

Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2012 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™
All rights reserved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the “victim” mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn “The SEQ” uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings. 

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info@selfesteemquee n.com

My Natural Hair Journey - Part 3

In this video I give you all an update to my Natural Hair Journey as well as a funny story about the lady who SWEARS that I'm bringing the "jheri curl" back.....

#TeamNaturalHair

I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!!! 

Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™ 

© 2011 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™
All rights reserved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the “victim” mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn “The SEQ” uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings. 

NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info@selfesteemqueen.com

Self Love in the midst of Suicide......A Blog from The SEQ

"Self Love in the midst of suicide"

By: Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™

I remember when I used to cry at night about Kurt Cobain. Though we had never met, I was in love with Kurt Cobain and the band Nirvana. Listening to them kept me sane and out of the state of depression which I had made my home as a teenager. I cried because I would have never thought that Kurt Cobain was in mental pain. 

Often we never know the inner purgatory that other people dwell in. This past weekend a friend and mentor of mine by the name of Trey Pennington committed suicide in front of his family church. He had been depressed due to a divorce and although people said that he seemed to be doing better, there are many people who have no idea about chemical imbalances and the battle with depression.

Sometimes, it's difficult to have Self Love while you're in the midst of so much hate and discord. You think back to the times of happiness and ask yourself how it ever got so bad that you now found yourself in the midst of chaos and confusion. When you are the type of person who thrives in happiness, the downward spiral of dysfunction can be detrimental to your health. When we second guess our abilities to deal with trials and tribulations we lose sight of the reason we go though such things.

I think about each and every person I've read about who has had some sort of success in life. 9 1/2 out of 10 will tell you that at the moment they thought to give up they gave in and the breakthrough came. Most of us don't know how to love ourselves through the pain. We think that if God really loved us we would somehow be able to experience the pain easier but this is not reality. Sometimes, you must experience pain the exact way you experience it to learn a lesson or to teach a lesson to someone else.

My name is Dawn, and I'm a suicide survivor. It took me many years to talk about this simply because I was embarrassed that I didn't know how to control my depression. As a teenager I experienced life a little different than other people and I found myself living with relatives that "hated" me when I was 14. Imagine living somewhere where you know you're not wanted or appreciated....That was my teenage life.

My first suicide attempt was unsuccessful because I knew I really didn't want to die. It took me years to really understand that no matter what people say about me, how people feel about me, and no matter what people's perception is of me, I had to love myself for who I was despite the opinions of others.

Often the root of depression and suicidal thoughts lies in the condemnation we hold over our heads based on the way other people (who may or may not be worthy of us even caring) think about us. I will tell people in a minute; "Your personal opinion of me is none of my business." Loving yourself while dealing with depression can sometimes mean NOT dealing with other people. Some people don't know how to be empathetic to your pain. Some people don't care to know. It's not your job to try and explain depression or how you feel to someone else.

I personally believe that most people don't let go and let God often enough. We hold on hoping that we can make sense of "this mess" when in reality God isn't asking us to make sense of it at all. He simply is asking us to allow Him to have his way so that we may teach someone while we learn ourselves.

Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2011 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™ All rights reserved. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the "victim" mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn "The SEQ" uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today's leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn's mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings.

NOTE: You're certainly welcome to "reprint" this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the "about the author" info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info [at] selfesteemqueen.com

How my busted tire reminded me that I'm not in control

Last week I was driving down a dark and really busy freeway in California when my tire busted.  I was in the fast lane and it was 5 am.  I had to swerve all the way to the right side of the freeway on a busted tire and did I mention that this is a major freeway where trucks travel between states?

I panicked a little when I realized that there wasn't a large enough shoulder for my car to fit in and that I would be right in the path of numerous 18 wheelers.  There was no one to call.  There was no one who could help me.  I sat helpless on the phone with AAA praying that a truck didn't bump my car right off the cliff. 

There I sat.  Nothing to do but ponder my thoughts.  As time went on and the trucks continued to swerve around my car honking loudly, all I could hear was my dad calling my name.  I listened.  He called out to me louder.  It came a point when all I could hear was my dad calling my name.  I stopped and closed my eyes.  I no longer saw the trucks.  It was as if angels came and encamped themselves around my BMW.

Then, after an hour of waiting the two truck driver came and rescued me from my car.  He told me I was lucky to be alive since my car was so close to the edge while being in the way of the trucks driving down the freeway. 

As I sat in the tow truck the sun began to rise and I saw just how close to death I was.  No need to exaggerate the truth.  Had one 18 wheeler truck bumped my car I would have been sent over the edge of the cliff to my death.

I realized that without God, I would not have been able to sit comfortably in my car waiting on someone to come and rescue me.

I realized that without God, I might not be writing this blog right now....  That's all I have to say at the moment.....

I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!!!

Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2011 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™ All rights reserved.