Embracing Your Inner Peace Part 2: “Flick off those emotional leeches”.

Embracing Your Inner Peace Part 2: 
“Flick off those emotional leeches”.
By: Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™

In yesterday's post, I promised you that I would begin to dig deeper into the long-term consequences that come when we compromise with what we allow in our lives. When I think about the one thing that I have compromised time and time again, it has been my desire to help the downtrodden who don’t seek to help themselves but rather seek to take all that I have while leaving me empty.

It is very important to note that this series is meant to take you out of your comfort zone. 
Too often we are around people who bless our drama because they are consumed with our unhappiness, and we don’t see that this hinders our growth. Last week, I introduced the term, “trickin’ off”. Part 2 will give you some examples to assist in your understanding of how, what, why, when, and where drama comes in your life. Embracing your peace can be a difficult task if those around you are too busy embracing your drama.

W.I.I.F.M. – the radio station of, “What’s in it for me?”
Can I hold an adult conversation for a minute? If we all can be honest, we will all admit that at some point in our lives, we have listened to this radio station: W.I.I.F.M. – the radio station of, “What’s in it for me?” There are very few instances where you give your all to a friendship / relationship and not expect to get what you give in return. Most of you might even be so bold as to admit that when you’re asked to do a favor for someone, one thought that comes into your head before making that decision is, “What’s in it for me?”

“They” told me I was vain, and I believed “them”…
This question used to be in the forefront of my mind, but then I started to feel like I was vain because those around me would tell me that when you do something for someone, it is often not polite to ask what you get out of it. After enough people told me how wrong I was, I decided to (gulp) lower my standards for the types of people I hung around. I stopped setting expectations and let people “be who they really were”.

They say when the sh*t hits the fan, it’s best to hold ya nose!
Boy, was I wrong. As soon as I loosened up my expectations, all hell broke loose. Now, all of a sudden, I seemed to attract nothing but people who wanted to leech off of me.

1. I had those who I allowed to suck away my time by calling and complaining about their circumstances while having no plan to try to change them
2. I had those who I allowed to come and “hang-out” at my house with no regard for the fact that my home serves as one of my offices, and when I’m home, that means I’m working
3. I had those who I allowed to bombard me with research questions because they know my intellect, with no regard to the fact that I charge for my stored information
4. I had those who I allowed to play the victim, and when I went to help them up they grabbed my arms and pulled me down
5. I had those who I allowed to borrow money and then proceeded to get angry and obnoxious with me when I asked for my money back
6. I had men / family members who I allowed to move into my home only to be used for selfish gain
7. I had those who I allowed to lie to me when I was honest because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings by letting them know that I knew they were lairs…

Now, to digress.

Remember this: It will always cost the person on the receiving end nothing to receive, but it will cost you everything to give up if you end up giving out of compromise. 

Let’s be clear; we all do it; subconsciously or consciously. I decided to stop playing craps with my emotions and made a vow to myself that I would never allow people to leech off of me again. I took a stand for my personal preferences and I set expectations for all of my friendships / relationships. I cut off all of the people I felt drained me in some way; some were family members, some were friends, and some were associates.

• I cried
• I mourned the loss of the friendships / relationships
• I forgave myself for hurting others
• I applauded myself
• I did not look back.

I go through this process every few months, perhaps once a quarter (or 4 times a year).

Just recently I befriended someone who I thought was a stand-up person, but upon further investigation I realized that this person was a liar, and I had actually compromised my business ethics as a result of this person’s untruth. Once I realized who this person really was, I cut my ties altogether. No phone calls, no text messages, no emails, no contact. In life, you have to be ready to ride for your emotions. I figured that if this person did not think enough of me to be truthful from the beginning of our association, then I didn’t owe them an honest explanation as to why I decided to end it.

Note to your inner self: You DO NOT owe any person an explanation for DECIDING to make changes in YOUR life.

If you saw a burglar at your door knocking, would you let him in?
I always ask this question of my coaching clients to determine if they really understand that the decision to deal with a person is just that: a decision. When I used to be in the dating scene, I would always get irritated when someone who I wasn't interested in would call me. But, I was bored, so I answered the phone and listened to a conversation that I knew was going nowhere. I did not understand at the time how important my time really was, and here I was wasting it holding conversations that were not advantageous to my life. STOP IT ALREADY! Wasting your time on those who are not worthy is not a good look, and too of my young readers are participating in this self-destructive behavior.

There are some of you who will read this and say to yourself, “I can’t be that mean to people; it’s just not me.” How bad do you want change in your life?

In our next installment, I will focus on different ways you can take control of your life immediately. As always, I am open to e-mails from my readers. To those of you who I have not been able to respond to, know that I will be responding next week. My inbox was bombarded after Part 1, and I like to answer all responses myself, so please be patient knowing that I have not forgotten you. 

We make the decision to start our day productive, and we also make the decision to smile amidst the storm. In my own personal life right now, I am really battling some demons. But, those who are around me daily would never know had I not told them. I don't choose to be my old self and wear my feelings on my sleeve. It's time to upgrade yourself, and that means making changes to your present so you can have a wonderfully happy future.
Here's to you for stepping out of your comfort zone.




In a World full of CHAOS I'd be remiss
to not let you know to HOLD ON - POSSIBILITIES EXIST™
I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!!!

Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2009 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™ All rights reserved.
H.O.P.E (Hold on, Possibilities Exist) is a Registered Trademark for Dawn Johnson/SEQ Publications, Inc. All rights reserved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ is an internationally recognized motivational speaker, author, business coach & small business consultant, serial entrepreneur and spoken word artist. Founder of the SEQ/H.O.P.E. Movement™, Dawn uses her trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on teen mentoring, self-esteem enhancement, personal & professional leadership, and entrepreneur development, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings. Her goal is to raise awareness and eradicate the exploitation of teenagers all over the Globe. Her Current Projects include: SEQ Collection Clothing, H.O.P.E. Platinum Coaching™, Sessions with The SEQ™, Stop Teenage Prostitution™, What Does Cancer Look Like™, Consumer Vigilantes™,& the highly anticipated H.O.P.E. Mindset™ Program.

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