Love, Life Lessons and Letting Go: 21 Days of Fasting for God

Love, Life Lessons and Letting Go: 21 Days of Fasting for God

A Blog from Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™

 

It's a blessing to be so favored by the universe that even the hard times are exactly what you need, and it may be hard to accept that while feeling the heat of the purge all around you. Be sure, in your heart of the prayers and meditations placed over time. If you asked for change, be comforted when it occurs. The difference is the evidence that you are being heard. ~ The Floacist

I have written and rewritten this blog several times.   I really have so much on my heart and I feel that someone needs to read this today.  Please accept my apologies for the run on sentences, the incorrect diction, and the rambling.  I spent 21 days fasting, and although this was not my first fast I saw miracles being formed in my life and in the lives of those around me.  My heart is heavy as I type this.  So many things happen when you fast.  They say that "all hell breaks loose" when you fast, and for me this has been my plight.  Here are some of the things that I learned during my fast about myself and others...

I need to stop trying to replace my dad.  My dad was my best friend, my "road dog".  When he passed away, I felt a void in my life that I can only describe as dense NOTHINGNESS... it has been 2 years and I am still in pain.  I don't know when it ends.  What I do know is that I've not found a person to replace my dad.  He was the only human who I feel ever truly loved me and was in love with me.  I need him more than ever now, and he's not here to talk to, ride in the car with, joke with, tell my dreams to, or hug me. I cry endless tears weekly.  Even people like me who are experts in grief have to grieve.  I've spent so much time helping others to distract myself from coming to terms with my dads death, but this fast brought the issue to the forefront of my life and I had to address it in my personal space.  No one, NO ONE - loved me like my dad.  No ONE. 

All people who say they're "authentic" / "conscious" really aren't - Watch actions and IGNORE spoken words.   I've learned that people will take a tag-line or a popular word and use is, misuse it, and then use it again.  We must learn to hold people accountable for their actions lining up to the words they speak.  We allow people to speak to us and we tend to believe everything they say.  Sadly, there are so many adults who have not outgrown habitual lying and I had to find this out the hard way.  Social networking allowed me to see that people are as fake as a six dollar bill.  I've taken the time to get to know people who were "conscious" and "authentic" only to see them do and say things that were the direct opposite of those two words.  I often ask myself why people do things like that and the only conclusion I have come to is: Some people just never outgrow habitual lying.  But, as a follower of God, I cannot be around anyone who worships the father of lies.....

Some people are meant to stay in the past.   I fell in love last year only to have my heart broken by someone who I thought was my friend.  The pain wasn't so much over the inevitable breakup, but more so over the fact that I allowed myself to once again compromise my life for someone who ultimately didn't care about the compromise.  I had to ask myself during my fast, "What's wrong with me?  How come I'm in alignment in all areas of my life except for the relationship area?"   God let me know that as long as I continue to try and pick my own mates that I would continue to be unhappy.  That was a hard pill for me to swallow.  I felt like I had let God down.  A year with someone you're not yoked to is like a century.  I am going to say this and it is going to hurt a lot of people - Leave those old friends/flames alone that you "reconnect" with on social networks.  I learned that when you part from people after school days,  you can't pretend that you know them years later.  All this time has passed and you're meeting them as a new person - NOT the person you knew in school.  Allow yourself to be cautious when running into new/old people.  Remind yourself that if you've not stayed in contact with them over the years then they are not your friend.  They are a stranger.  You should treat them as such.  In time, you will see that some of your old comrades need to stay right in the past with those good memories......

God gives us all thoughts and, if we don't act out on them, He will show us someone who will.  This is not called copying, it's called God's Will.  I have mentored some really wonderful people that I have met online.  Some of them I mentored for free and some of them paid me for my services.  Of those people, there were a select few who took the time to pick my brain and then proceed to implement things that I told them about.  Then, when it was time for me to do the same, I was accused of "copying" - LISTEN: there is no such thing anymore as an original thought.  When you are given a thought that you don't act out on, then what you need to know is that God will put someone else in your place to act out on the things that you are not willing to.  We forget that we are all put here for God's purpose and that when we don't act on our purpose God will put someone else in our place who will.  As adults we must stop taking the energy on of competition.  This energy is toxic and negates the whole "there is more than enough for everyone" theory.  No one can copy me because I have no competition.  No one can do what I can do better because they're not me.  You should feel the same way about yourself.  Imagine if one of the big tennis shoe giants stopped making shoes because they had competition......No bueno.

I will never be loyal to drama.  There are too many people who are addicted and loyal to drama.  It honestly makes me sad.  People spend so much time and energy looking to find someone to talk about, looking for some show to make fun of, or spend time in relationships that are filled with self induced drama.  I can't.  I really can't.  There are so many people who want me to mentor them yet they don't understand that they are the cause if their drama.  Some people don't care.  I've learned this as well.  Just because you want to "keep it 100" with people doesn't mean you have to bring drama to all situations you are involved in.  Not only is the loyalty to drama sad but it's so unhealthy that I can't stand to be around it.  For that reason I'm going back to being a hermit.  I will allow my assistant to update my social networks and I will peek in from time to time but I no longer wish to deal with people and their drama.  My first step was to delete the people I follow on Twitter and then I closed down the wall on my Facebook page.  There will be people who won't understand and I can't be bothered with that - I am about god's business not drama.

Real Christians don't condemn other Christians just because they are walking a different God route.   So, last week a woman who I actually liked punched me in the nose and then proceeded to insult the God in me.  She did so by saying that the holy spirit was speaking to her but all I heard coming out of her mouth was hate.  She then proceeded to tell someone we mutually know how much she doesn't like me and THEN she accused me of sending subliminal tweets to her when I don't even follow her.  All of this under the guise of being a Christian.  What saddened me is that she used God as a way to insult and degrade me and I never struck her back.  Some asked me why and my answer was simple - It's not Godly.  No matter how angry you get with someone remember this - the moment you say you worship God and then your actions are in direct contradiction to that statement, you are doing God a huge disservice.  There have also been Christians who have condemned me for starting a motivational website for gay teens even though I was taught to believe that God loves us all and we all deserve to be loved by someone while we are on Earth.   Let me say this - I am not here to prove anything to anyone but God.  When He gives me an assignment, I go to work.  I don't question God.  I don't try and lean to my own understanding.  I do, however, allow people to show themselves and when they do - I take notice.  Beware of the false Christians who speak in tongues but act like they worship satan.  I'm just saying.

I don't require anyone to like me, to love me, to validate me, or to agree with me.   After being condemned this last few weeks I realized that I could care less about the opinions of people.  If you're not God, Jesus, or The Holy Spirit then I have to say that if you go to sleep at night bitter with me, it will NOT stop my night of rest.  I will no longer continue to try and make people understand me.  I will no longer spend time focused on the reason people don't approve of me, love me, support me, or agree with me.  If your happiness rests in the validation of others, please be prepared to be unhappy.  People will continue to misunderstand you, let you down, and treat you as you allow them to treat you.  It takes a strong person to look past  the naysayers and people who don't like you but I am here to tell you to PUT ON YOUR ARMOR and boot up......We are here to be loved by God, not by humans.

In a World full of CHAOS I'd be remiss to not let you know to HOLD ON - POSSIBILITIES EXIST™ 

I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!!!

Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2011 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™
All rights reserved. H.O.P.E (Hold on, Possibilities Exist) is a Registered Trademark for SEQ International, LLC. All rights reserved. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the “victim” mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, In Demand Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn “The SEQ” uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings. 

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