A Message to my Father: So many tears

I thank God for allowing me to have such a wonderful father.  I was one of those kids who didn't know who my "real dad" was until I was about to enter the 8th grade.  Prior to that, I thought my dad was a man I seemingly was named after, and a man who never took the time to call me or check up on me as an adolescent.   I found out through eavesdropping on a conversation that my dad was another man I had grown up around and thought was my "play uncle".  No one had told me any different.  I imagine there are many kids who grow up similar to me.  This "revelation" didn't change my love for my dad when I found out that he was my dad.  All it did was cause me to want to know my dad even more, and I was happy to stop calling him my "uncle".  This is what some of you will call "dysfunction".



Throughout my life, my father was in an out of various California Penitentiaries for various crimes associated with alcohol abuse.  He would write me letters, and I would never write back.  He would tell me to stay in school, to take care of my mother, and to make sure I was respectful at all times.    He would remind me of Exodus 20:12, "Honor thy mother and thy father..." and I would read and re-read his letters and ask myself how come he didn't love me enough to stay out of jail.  Then, one day, my dad got out of jail and said he wasn't going back.  He didn't.  

 

From that day on, my dad and I were inseparable.  From drives up the coast, jazz concerts, walks at the beach and trips to sight see in San Francisco, my dad became my best friend and one of the sources of my strength.  His knowledge and wisdom came in every conversation, in every lecture, in every moment he rescued me from a situation only to tell me, "You know you were wrong for that, right?"  My dad was the epitome if what every young lady needs in her life: A Man who will tell her the truth no matter how much it hurts her.  One of the reasons I've been able to maintain a certain level of success in my professional life I owe to my father who told me, "No one will see your excellence if you yourself don't see it."

My dad died on January 24, 2009.  My heart still hasn't healed from the pain.  My mind still cannot wrap itself around the thought that my dad is no longer able to call me, listen to music with me, share my secrets and triumphs with me, or just available for a listening ear.  I miss my dad daily and sometimes hourly.    There isn't a day that goes by where I don't feel like calling my dad.  He meant that much to me.  No matter what my father had done in his past, he made my future BRIGHT by being my father and by being the true definition of a "dad".

It saddens me to get on social networks and read comments from people who have nothing great to say about their fathers.  My heart hurts for the men who want to be a father to their children but are prohibited from doing so by spiteful women.  My heart hurts for the women who bash men in front of their kids thus teaching this lesson to impressionable young minds who don't know the difference between a fact and fiction.  I don't want to jump on a soapbox today; I just wanted to let you all know how much I miss my dad.  He was my amazing.

I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!!! 

Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™

© 2011 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™ All rights reserved. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the “victim” mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn “The SEQ” uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings. 

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