There was a time in my life when I couldn't handle death. As a young teenager, I lost a lot of friends in horrible ways:
How many of you have ever felt this way before? How many of you have ever felt like the wrong people die too soon? As I've grown, I've come to realize that bad things do indeed happen to good people, and death shouldn't be constituted as a "bad thing".
Often, we want to hold on to people who are in our lives. We don't want them to die because of the bond we hold with them, because of the time we get to spend with them, and because we've grown used to believing that death is the end of a friendship/relationship/association. I would like to give my take on this in an effort to help someone out today who might be experiencing pain as the result of death.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my dad. January 24th of this year marked 3 years since my dad passed away. I'll never forget where I was and what I was doing on the day my dad died. Having experienced so much death close to me, my dad passing was so sudden and left me in a daze of confusion and grief.
On Facebook last month, I wrote,
When I wrote this, I had no idea that I would receive so much feedback from people who have been mourning the death of a loved one or a parent. Over the past three years, I have taken what some people see as a tragic event and made sense of it. My dad was in my life when I was a kid, but he was also in and out of every California Correctional Facility from Southern to Northern California due to his addiction to alcohol. During these "visits" to correctional facilities, my dad would send me letters, eloquently written, telling me to stay in school, get an education, and take good care of my mother.
My parents were never "together". They never lived together and were never married, but remained great friends/co-parents until he passed. As I got older, my father stopped drinking and we developed a healthy friendship that became a focal point of my early adulthood. My dad and I spoke everyday without fail. There would be times when I would hang out with my dad so much that people thought we were a couple. My dad always told me how much he loved me and cared about me. It's safe to say that my dad was the only man I know who has ever been in love with me. On the morning that he passed away, my dad was laughing, and then he had trouble breathing, and then he passed away. When his soon-to-be wife called me to tell me my dad wasn't breathing, I told her to get off the phone with me and call the paramedics. Within 30 minutes, my dad was gone.
So many thoughts went through my mind. I was in shock, I felt like I was living in the Twilight Zone, and I felt lost, completely lost. I was numb for days. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my dad was gone. It took me some time to get used to the thought that I wouldn't be able to hear my dad's voice or drive up the coast with him singing along to the same songs.
Then, one day, I realized that my dad went to Heaven so he could do all the things he couldn't do for me here on Earth. My life has been so blessed since my dad passed, and I can't help but smile and think that my dad is orchestrating all of the great gifts that I've been receiving over the last few years. Life continues to bring me trials however, I'm able to get over them with a lot more ease and I'm also able to smile when the adversity comes. At night, when I sleep, there are times I dream about my dad and the conversations are so real that I wake up knowing that the dream was my dad's way of telling me that all is well.
I'm here to tell you all that if someone has passed in your life, ALL IS WELL. There are those that we meet who are angels on Earth, and they depart Earth to do the awesome job of blessing you from above. How fitting that the person you love the most goes away to help you from above. When you change your mindset from grief you'll find that the person who left you hasn't really left at all. I know that we are used to believing that there is no "life after death", but I beg to differ. People from my life who have passed come to me all the time in thoughts, dreams, and I'm often reminded that I have angels looking out for me.
Here are some comments from my Facebook friends - I hope this encourages someone to press forward not having to say goodbye to a loved one, but rather to say hello to a new relationship with that person.
Tara Noble Such a beautiful read!!!! You've taken what so many would use as a crutch, and reached for the blessings!!!! Your a positive inspiration! Thanks for sharing!!!
Yolanda Johnson Wow,you make me look at my Dad's death in a whole different light now. He too died suddenly on his way to work one morning on a subway platform ten yrs ago. He was my best friend as well... And he loved music as well. Thank you,you've really lightened a heavy burden I've been carrying since he left me. ♥
Sharlene D If this doesn't motivate you to live life and celebrate the life of another that might not be with you any longer, I don't know what will....
Diana Segura My Father passed on the 27th, and it's amazing the parallels in our insights as a product of their transitioning. I have come to the same, almost identical, realizations. It's truly incredible and at the same time makes perfect sense; again thank you.
Yolanda Johnson Thanks! I can't wait. I really like how you put things into perspective. Wow,now I'm totally thinking how my life could've went a totally different(more positive) way had I looked at his death in a different way. And Congrats on the babies. :)
Audrey Watson Just reading this post and I can relate. Lost my day 3 yrs ago and he was my best friend. He had Pancreatic Cancer & it took him so fast. I was so blessed to have him as my father and as bad as it hurt to see him suffer & go he equipped me and prepared me for a lot of Life Lessons. I know your dad is very proud of you and is smiling. Thank God our Fathers were present in our lives because a piece of them will always live in us. Stay Strong & Positive !!
I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!
Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™
© 2012 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™
All rights reserved.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the “victim” mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn “The SEQ” uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings.
NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info@selfesteemquee n.com
- One of my friends was killed at the age of 16 by her boyfriend after revealing she had AIDS. She was found on the side of a freeway, half naked, and it was horrific.
- My high school boyfriends best friend was killed in his front yard when he walked outside. The person who killed him came drove 80 miles looking for his brother but killed the first person who walked outside.
- In the 11th or 12th grade, one of my friends drowned on April Fools Day after he went swimming after eating. Nobody went to help him because they thought it was an April Fools Joke.
- Three of my friends were gunned down in a drive by shooting while standing outside in front of their house. They were not gang related but the shooting was.
- My friend went missing and was later found in the trunk of his car a week later.
- A couple of months before I graduated from college, my best friend died suddenly of meningitis.
How many of you have ever felt this way before? How many of you have ever felt like the wrong people die too soon? As I've grown, I've come to realize that bad things do indeed happen to good people, and death shouldn't be constituted as a "bad thing".
Often, we want to hold on to people who are in our lives. We don't want them to die because of the bond we hold with them, because of the time we get to spend with them, and because we've grown used to believing that death is the end of a friendship/relationship/association. I would like to give my take on this in an effort to help someone out today who might be experiencing pain as the result of death.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my dad. January 24th of this year marked 3 years since my dad passed away. I'll never forget where I was and what I was doing on the day my dad died. Having experienced so much death close to me, my dad passing was so sudden and left me in a daze of confusion and grief.
On Facebook last month, I wrote,
When I wrote this, I had no idea that I would receive so much feedback from people who have been mourning the death of a loved one or a parent. Over the past three years, I have taken what some people see as a tragic event and made sense of it. My dad was in my life when I was a kid, but he was also in and out of every California Correctional Facility from Southern to Northern California due to his addiction to alcohol. During these "visits" to correctional facilities, my dad would send me letters, eloquently written, telling me to stay in school, get an education, and take good care of my mother.
My parents were never "together". They never lived together and were never married, but remained great friends/co-parents until he passed. As I got older, my father stopped drinking and we developed a healthy friendship that became a focal point of my early adulthood. My dad and I spoke everyday without fail. There would be times when I would hang out with my dad so much that people thought we were a couple. My dad always told me how much he loved me and cared about me. It's safe to say that my dad was the only man I know who has ever been in love with me. On the morning that he passed away, my dad was laughing, and then he had trouble breathing, and then he passed away. When his soon-to-be wife called me to tell me my dad wasn't breathing, I told her to get off the phone with me and call the paramedics. Within 30 minutes, my dad was gone.
So many thoughts went through my mind. I was in shock, I felt like I was living in the Twilight Zone, and I felt lost, completely lost. I was numb for days. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my dad was gone. It took me some time to get used to the thought that I wouldn't be able to hear my dad's voice or drive up the coast with him singing along to the same songs.
Then, one day, I realized that my dad went to Heaven so he could do all the things he couldn't do for me here on Earth. My life has been so blessed since my dad passed, and I can't help but smile and think that my dad is orchestrating all of the great gifts that I've been receiving over the last few years. Life continues to bring me trials however, I'm able to get over them with a lot more ease and I'm also able to smile when the adversity comes. At night, when I sleep, there are times I dream about my dad and the conversations are so real that I wake up knowing that the dream was my dad's way of telling me that all is well.
I'm here to tell you all that if someone has passed in your life, ALL IS WELL. There are those that we meet who are angels on Earth, and they depart Earth to do the awesome job of blessing you from above. How fitting that the person you love the most goes away to help you from above. When you change your mindset from grief you'll find that the person who left you hasn't really left at all. I know that we are used to believing that there is no "life after death", but I beg to differ. People from my life who have passed come to me all the time in thoughts, dreams, and I'm often reminded that I have angels looking out for me.
Here are some comments from my Facebook friends - I hope this encourages someone to press forward not having to say goodbye to a loved one, but rather to say hello to a new relationship with that person.
Tara Noble Such a beautiful read!!!! You've taken what so many would use as a crutch, and reached for the blessings!!!! Your a positive inspiration! Thanks for sharing!!!
Yolanda Johnson Wow,you make me look at my Dad's death in a whole different light now. He too died suddenly on his way to work one morning on a subway platform ten yrs ago. He was my best friend as well... And he loved music as well. Thank you,you've really lightened a heavy burden I've been carrying since he left me. ♥
Sharlene D If this doesn't motivate you to live life and celebrate the life of another that might not be with you any longer, I don't know what will....
Diana Segura My Father passed on the 27th, and it's amazing the parallels in our insights as a product of their transitioning. I have come to the same, almost identical, realizations. It's truly incredible and at the same time makes perfect sense; again thank you.
Yolanda Johnson Thanks! I can't wait. I really like how you put things into perspective. Wow,now I'm totally thinking how my life could've went a totally different(more positive) way had I looked at his death in a different way. And Congrats on the babies. :)
Audrey Watson Just reading this post and I can relate. Lost my day 3 yrs ago and he was my best friend. He had Pancreatic Cancer & it took him so fast. I was so blessed to have him as my father and as bad as it hurt to see him suffer & go he equipped me and prepared me for a lot of Life Lessons. I know your dad is very proud of you and is smiling. Thank God our Fathers were present in our lives because a piece of them will always live in us. Stay Strong & Positive !!
I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!
Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™
© 2012 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™
All rights reserved.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the “victim” mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Teenage Prostitutes and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn “The SEQ” uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings.
NOTE: You’re certainly welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as its contents remain unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to info@selfesteemquee n.com
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